Swimming. (huh) What is it good for? Unlike war, it's good for something. And that thing happens to be not drowning when you come into contact with water.
You see, 75% of our planet is made up of water. So, statistically it's more likely than not tomorrow that you will suddenly wake up in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. And how inconvenient would it be in that situation to not know how to swim? Prevent yourself from this embarrassing situation by coming to the all-new and improved Troop 8 Swim Nights (TM, patent pending!)
Now, mysterious narrator, you may ask: what is the meaning of life? That's a brilliant question! However, I'm not going to answer that, I'm going to answer a completely different question, about what you should bring to this inestimable meeting.
Although the general consensus is that swimming in a suit and tie is so classy that your face will melt from the intense class, melted face tends to clog the filters. So, bring another suit, of the swimming variety. And please, no speedos. I don't recall that ever being a problem, but above all I DON'T WANT it to be a problem. Like any good hitchhiker, you should also have your towel, and goggles if you enjoy seeing where you are going underwater.
Now, what we're doing is mostly classified, but I managed to get some info in a caper that involved a bottle of fine wine and a pair of castanets. It seems that in this first meeting, we will be checking everyone's skill level. Now, I don't care if you're on the swim team, or if you swim regularly, or if you swam the Atlantic, or even if the King of Australia himself vouches for your swimming ability, we still need to check you out. Once we ascertain your swimming ability, you will be sorted into groups, depending on your swimming ability. If you pass the test, you start working on Swimming Merit Badge, if you don't, you will work on swimming until you can pass the test. For those of you wondering, the test involves 75 yards of a strong front stroke, 25 of a backstroke, 30 seconds floating on your back, and a 500 word written essay on why Jason Dean is the best person that has ever walked the Earth.
Seriously, though, we need to evaluate your skill level of swimming, and hopefully improve it in order to go on the water trips later this summer. If you do not come to at least three of these nights, you will unfortunately not be invited to the canoeing or other watery things.
Visitors and Webelos: Please note that this swim night is not Webelos Welcome, since we'll be doing checkouts for current scouts.